Sometimes you just have to shutter at the wrongness on the other end of the phone line.

I am a pretty open person who really doesn't get shocked and weirded out all that much, but wow...

When someone calls me up and sounds like a Horror movie villain and is talking to me in depth medical terms, and explaining to me in great details surgical procedures that he wishes to do to me. Very scary!

Scat!

WHEN THE FUCK DID IT BECOME OK TO SHIT YOURSELF, AND THEN PLAY IN IT?

There are reasons why I never allow my customers to turn their webcams on, and this is why.

This overly super model type sexy guy gets on his cam. Tall, light brown skin color, surfer type, muscles that just wont stop, short hair, and deep eyes.

Pulls out his cock and starts waving it around, a good 8.5' to 9' cut just as sexy as he wants to be. A total walking wet dream.

He says "Dude I am so hot for you right now, I wish you were here"

I agreed that I too wished that I was there, because the things I would do to him they wouldn't make porn about.

Then I see him double over and start grunting and moaning. I thought ok stomach problems.

NO....Mother Fucker comes back up with a hand full of shit and starts smearing it all over himself, and then begins to defile that beautiful dick of his, and like a train wreck I couldn't help myself from watching....I thought this is a shame this beautiful specimen of Greek God

per-portions is doing this...

All my fantasies went byebye.

You scat lovers what the hell? Why do you do this? Im not knocking it.....its just not my thing but I mean come on! Really?

The extent in which....

....people will go to 'convince' their perversions. What I mean by this is that I have a caller who claims that they take special pills that will make a person with a normal working brain, stupider.

Now rather that is the truth or not, they play a good role.

"eye knows eye am a stoopid sissy fag, eye wants to make Mr. JD happy. I dont knowz what I am dewing....allz eye knows iz that you are a smart boy and dat im a stoopid faggot sissy girly..."

What the fuck people....what is wrong with you that you need to be like this?

Trust me I love you cracked people, I love getting calls from you because you all help me realize that things in my life aren't so bad!

Please call me 1-800-863-5478 *0465430

Im your subservant slave

If you call me and tell me that you want to be my sub that is fine, but dont think that you have the right to talk to me and tell me what you want.

Return of Terry!!!

Ok again at 4:00am Mr. Terry called to stimulate me with his 10 second pause conversations....

Really?

ahhhhhh!

Snowball

"I wanna shoot into your mouth and then have you spit it into my mouth...."

Ummmm thats hott!

Hello is anyone out there.......Terry?

Ring......Ring

Me: hi

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Terry hi

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Me: ummm how are you

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Terry: im good

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Me: so my name is JD

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Terry: im Terry.......

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Terry: so are you like um gay......

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Me: yeah i have been for awhile now

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Terry: thats cool im 44 and have only just started seeing guys

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

Me: oh what brought that on

(15 second pause on Terry's part)

the hole fucking converstation was filled with 15 second pauses

I was like "for the love of ben and jerry man, fucking talk to me...."

at 4am I am a needy bitch espically when you fucking wake me up for such stimulating conversation.

You know that song by Pretty Rickey Hotline there is one line in the song that goes

"its 5:30 in da mo'ning good morning..." I was thinking to myself you gotta be fucking kidding me right....

I was like "Terry, Terry your breaking my balls here Terry... fucking get some exclimation points, their on sale...I mean really!"

I felt like i had been married to this man for years and there was no umph in the relationship anymore, and that i was just beggin him for some small part of him like TALK TO ME ASS HOLE.

It was like he called me hoping i wouldnt pick up, like i caught him totally off guard

"I was like Terry, we dont have much more than a $0.99 commitment here with each other, its ok, you can talk..."

Please people if you call (which I hope you do call because I do enjoy it, and it does give me a chance to masturbate and other things) but still please be a little more stimulating.

Cum for your Daddy

Ok I love it when I get permission to cum, like after 15 minutes of pumping my dick isn't going to result in some liquid oozing out of it.

Like if it doesnt get permission that it cant come out and must otherwise stay in cue until the magickal words "ok now cum for daddy" are uttered.

Oh what a party trick that would be. I would be in hot demand if I could just go at it for hours and hours and never shed one drop. That would be pretty awesome now that I think about it, however, if I had to wait for someone to say it and they never did that would suck, because i would like that release too.

Hmmmm things to ponder. On one hand (no pun intended) you could seriously fuck like an Olympian, yet on the other, you couldn't shoot your load until you were given permission. What if the person you were fucking died and you had 3+ hours of cum built up then what? I cant even begin to imagen what shad of blue my balls would be.......on second thought NO THANK YOU!

My hot pink hole!

"Look at my hot pink hole just hunger for your c**k..."

Yes my dear caller, your ass does have a hot pink hole (Temperature in the anus (rectum/rectal) is about 37.6 °C (99.6 °F), however, I don't consider it to be Hott!

Definition of Hott: Hott - meaning something or someone that is very sexy, cute, gorgeous or otherwise beautiful beyond compare.

Again I have never thought of the Anus as Hott or sexy, however, it does feel good when anal sex is preformed.

I want to be....

I want to be dressed up like a little girl and made to do girly things...

Ok you Buck Angel wanna be....first of all, if you are not willing to go through my Sissy Schooling then don't fucking call my extension.

Boy girl things listen...I know you fantasize about being little girls and being controlled by strong guys, but hey when in Rome do as you are fucking told you sick little monkey.

THAT IS ALL!

Can I poke you in the P***Y?

Ok people, *looks between my legs* either that is a prick or an enormous clit, but last time I looked ( 15 seconds ago) I didnt have a snatch.

Now I do call it my Mangina but it doesnt start with a VA, it starts with MAN and ends in GINA... Call it my Manhoo (pronounced Man - Who) or even my ass hole or butt hole, but a Pussy? Hmmmm.

Here is a list of acceptble terms:

Manhoo
Man Hole
Mangina
My Brown Rose
My Brown Eye
My Fudge Factory
Ane (british slang)
April (british slang)
Arris
Arse

"I wanna fuck your pussy..." Please dont fuck my Kitty, what did he ever do to you?

Yes Daddy!!

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Say no to FOOD

Ok my sexually charged friends, let us repeat together, FOOD IS NOT FOR FUCKING!

I had a caller a few days ago call me and said "hey there you are really sexy, I WANNA FUCK YOU WITH AN ECLAIR"

Ok well as eclairs are 'dick' shaped and hard when frozen, but I have never looked at it and thought "Hey I wanna fuck that!"

If you have fucked a food, or want to fuck a food, more power to you, but please let me eat mine, and dont fuck it...I dont want your special sauce on anything that is to go into my mouth, thanks.

Call me 1-800-863-5478 *0465430

The Captian

"Oh Captian my Captian, how you do try and save a hoe it will never go...."

Ok so my very first call was from a caller named Brian, and he called me back in 11/2004.

"you are so beautiful and wonderful and sexy....let me take care of you always, I will take you away from this line of work and all you have to do is love me and I will pay all of your bills and make you happy....I need you I love you......

This my dear friends is what we call "Captian Save a Hoe" these are the types of callers that want to 'give' us the world, and usually fall short of the $1.99 a minute we are charging them to talk to us.
My dearest customer/caller I love the fact that you want to do this for me but come on buddy, you gotta do better than this.